Fallen
by 10000PoisonedKisses
Summary: SBRL slash. The third and final part of the Wicked Little Town stories. Previous stories do not need to be read in order to enjoy this story, but they do have backstory in them. Rated for drug abuse and mild sexual situations.


Fallen

A/N: Last Installment of the "Wicked Little Town" series. RL/SB

Warnings: Slash, drug abuse, language.

**Heaven Bend to take my hand  
And lead me through the fire  
Be the long awaited answer  
To a long and painful fight**

Laying in the bed with his tall, muscular lover, Sirius felt the first signs of withdrawal. It had only been only a few hours since his last fix and already he was having muscle and bone pains. In the darkness of the room around him, Sirius rolled over and shuddered, trying to get in a comfortable enough position to sleep. His restlessness that came in bursts made it difficult to relax and enjoy the feel of Remus' body heat as he lay asleep and nude next to Sirius. The dark haired man turned on his side and looked down the long expanse on his lovers back. He reached a shaking hand out and traced a finger down the scars that marred the otherwise flawless skin. He didn't understand how Remus could sleep nude with nothing but a sheet that covered only from his lower hip to his knees when it was so terribly cold.

Rolling off the bed, Sirius paused as he passed the dresser he shared with Remus. In the bottom drawer, in a secret cubby hole, he had his stash hidden. He wanted to go to the dresser, tear it apart and get that which he needed so badly. But if he did, it would be just giving into his weakness and breaking the promise he'd made Remus once again. Clenching his fists, Sirius continued his trek down the stairs of his families old house and into the kitchen. Pulling the refrigerator door open with his trembling hands, he searched around until he found the tea Remus had made and set there to cool earlier that very evening.

Pouring himself a mug, Sirius raised it to his pale lips and drank it as if it was the last liquid on earth. He felt a drop of sweat roll off his nose and fall. Bringing his hand to touch the wetness on his face, Sirius drew back from the counter, reaching to turn the tap on. Sirius stood, letting the water run over his hands for more time than he remembered before splashing his face with the icy liquid. He stood there, leaning heavily against the counter and tried to remember how he'd gotten here. How could he have been in recovery only months before and now be back to where he started? Sirius shook his head, his thinning hair dusting his shoulders as he did.

He'd only been using for a few years and already his once lithe body was suffering the effects. From somewhere beside him, Kreatcher, his mother's horrid little house elf moved, shuffling off to some darkened corner, Sirius was sure.

As the water on his face dried, Sirius felt the first wave of nausea sweep over him, his stomach clenching with the ferocity of it. Sirius knew this feeling, knew it well from his first four tries to get himself off the drug. Sinking to the floor as his legs weakened, the dark haired man pulled his knees up around his body as he reached for the trash can that stood next to the sink, where Remus said it looked best. Hunched over the carefully placed bucket, Sirius waited for the assault his body was putting itself through.

**Truth be told I tried my best  
But somewhere long the way  
I got caught up in all there was to offer  
But the cost was so much more than I could bear**

At first, Sirius used it to feel good and numb himself. It made him feel euphoric and after a while, sleepy. Plus, it made the sex amazing. What wasn't there to like? However, as time went on, it became difficult to stop using it once the feeling he'd wanted to obtain had passed. And he'd started to notice that it took more in a single dose to get the same feeling that it used to. He realized it had gotten to the point when he needed help when he couldn't even hold his own Godchild after his birth for fear he'd drop the infant.

Standing in the hospital with James glowing after the birth of his son and Lily holding the boy tenderly in her arms, Sirius felt anxious. When Lily handed Harry, the newborn babe, to James who in turn reached out his arms to his best friend, Sirius felt afraid. What if he hurt the baby somehow? His hands were shaking too badly to hold the child, he looked too fragile, like he might break. Sirius stepped back away from James and smiled, shaking his head.

"Can't mate, I don't even know how..." he motioned at the child. "Never held one before."

"It's easy, Sirius," James assured him, still offering the child.

"Yeah Sirius. It's only a baby," Remus laughed, reaching out and taking the child from his friends arms, burying his face in the soft, unruly hair of the newborn. He breathed in deeply and nuzzled against the small child in his arms.

"He smells good," Remus said, smiling warming. "He smells like his mother."

Watching Remus holding Harry, Sirius felt terribly guilty. Remus, who was so gentle and good with kids, Sirius knew Remus should have been the Godfather of James' child. Remus was a good person, someone who James and Lily could depend on if something happened. Remus was dependable, trustworthy. Sirius was just a worthless, strung out junkie who couldn't even cook a simple meal, let alone care for a child. If there hadn't been a law against werewolves being children's guardians, Sirius would have pushed to James and Lily to choose Remus to be Harry's Godfather.

As Sirius watched Remus snuggling the infant, all he could think about was when he was going to get his next fix. He looked across the room, past the happy faces of his friends and out the window. How horrible of him, to be thinking about his drug abuse when his best friend of nine years had just become a father. Hanging his head, Sirius leaned against the wall, his thoughts drowning out the happy murmurs of his friends.

**Though I've tried I've fallen  
I have sunk so low  
I messed up  
Better I should know  
So don't come round here and  
Tell me I told you so**

Shuddering violently, Sirius looked up startled as he felt a hand touch his hair.

"Remus," he murmured, smiling. He leaned his face into the touch, fighting the trembles that wracked his thinning body. Remus lowered himself down onto the floor and pushed the now full trash can away from Sirius and pulled the other man onto his lap. Struggling to sit straight, only managing to lean heavily against the wolf's shoulder, breath coming fast and heavy.

He closed his eyes as Remus wrapped his arms around Sirius and lifted from the cold tiles of the floor. How was Remus carrying him that easily? Had Sirius really lost so much weight that what would have once been a struggle for Remus to do he now did with ease? Mildly concerned but mostly feeling sick, Sirius allowed Remus to carry him back up the stairs to the bedroom and place him on the bed. Slowly, Remus crawled into the bed with Sirius and began stroking Sirius' back.

"Remus, I'm sorry..."

Remus did not reply, he simply shook his head curled around the dark haired man. Sirius felt ashamed. He knew the effects of his withdrawal was clearly visible and he knew Remus recognized them, having seen them before. Closing his eyes, Sirius tried to find comfort in being held, but was unable to. Finally, after many long minutes of silence, Remus spoke.

"Where is it Sirius...?"

Knowing exactly what Remus meant but feigning ignorance, Sirius opened his eyes.

"Where's what?"

"The heroin."

Startled by how blunt Remus was about it, Sirius rolled over and blinked up at the dusty haired man. He reached out and stroked his hand across the soft flesh of Remus' chest. Sirius lowered his hand, reaching for Remus' more intimate parts to distract him. He paused as Remus grasped his wrist and jerked the hand away. A little angry, Sirius glared at the blond and pulled his hand free and pushed himself away from his lover.

"What is your problem, Remus?" he snarled, dark eyes narrowed.

"Where is the heroin," Remus whispered, the first hits of anger coloring his voice. His gold tinted eyes seemed to take on a touch of the true gold they became when he was either very emotionally unstable or in his wolf form. Sirius pulled back even more and fought the urge to vomit as the nausea swept over him again.

"I don't know what you're talking about, Moony," Sirius insisted, avoiding Remus' now feral eyes.

Remus rose onto his hands and knees and began moving towards Sirius with an inhuman grace, eyes almost completely gold now, with only a hint of it's regular coffee brown left. A little uneasy, Sirius pulled away even further, but Remus moved in a liquid motion and seemed to have muscles where humans did not. As Sirius watched, Remus crawled closer until he was perched, pinning the lanky man with his weight. Remus bent down, mouth hovering above Sirius' throat, partially open.

Laying there, his lovers teeth grazing his skin, Sirius wasn't sure if Remus was going to kiss the tender skin or tear it with his teeth, drawing blood. His pulse quickened as Remus spoke again.

"Where is it...?"

"I..." Sirius started softly, fear still riding him. "I don't know what you are talking about."

Remus grazed his teeth against the skin harder and drew his tongue down Sirius' neck, licking up the sweat that was forming there. He licked his lips and frowned, pressing his lips against Sirius' ear.

"You're lying. I can smell the lie and taste the drug in your sweat. Please Sirius, just tell me where you hid it. If you don't tell me, I'll just smell it out. Please. I would rather just have you be honest with me..." Remus whispered, licking the lobe of his lover's ear.

Sirius pulled away from Remus and lifted a shaking hand to point at the dresser.

"There. Bottom drawer..." he murmured, closing his eyes. Feeling the weight of his lover suddenly lifting off him made him feel cold inside. He'd lied to Remus again. How many times could he start using again before the blond left him? Looking at the wolf as he rummaged through the dresser, Sirius felt his chest tighten as Remus pulled out the small bag and held it in his hand.

Remus looked over his shoulder briefly before exiting through the bedroom door and entered the bathroom. With the sound of the flushing toilet, Sirius hung his head, promising himself it would be the last time.

**We all begin out with good intent  
When love is raw and young  
We believe that we can change ourselves  
The past can be undone**

**But we carry on our back the burdens time always reveals  
In the lonely light of morning  
In the wound that would not heal  
It's the bitter taste of losing everything  
I've held so dear**

When Sirius was in his 7th year at Hogwarts, he ended up in the hospital wing more often than he'd like to admit. Many of the times were caused why injuries he'd obtained when he was using. Sirius at first thought that when he left school and he got away from his dealer, he would be able to give up his addiction. How could he have known what withdrawal could be? He was a wizard and was never exposed to drug abuse education and so, never expected such a thing as the pain he experienced when it was taken away from him.

The cramps, nausea, and cold sweats he suffered through after he stopped were almost unbearable back then. Even when he was wrapped in the strong arms of his lover, Sirius couldn't fight the discomfort he felt. When Remus first learned of his problem, he told Sirius that they would work through it together. But after walking into the showers early one morning and finding Sirius hunched over a spoon using a fire charm to warm his drug, Remus broke. Before he'd always used kindness when dealing with Sirius' addiction, blaming those 'horrid muggle creations' as he called them. However, on this incident he seemed to have more anger towards his dark haired friend than the drug.

Yanking the spoon from Sirius' hand and burning himself in the process, Sirius' gentle lover threw the imitation silver utensil across the room with such a look of disgust on his face that Sirius was sure he would lose that which he held most dear. He pleaded, begged, promised that he would change if only Remus gave him another chance and he truly believed he could. Seeing the tears that rolled out of Remus' eyes that morning changed something in Sirius. He wanted badly to be strong for his lover, to truly change for him. How weak Sirius was at the time, he did not know.

**Heaven bend to take my hand  
I've nowhere left to turn  
I'm lost to these I thought were friends  
To everyone I know  
Oh they turn their heads embarrassed  
Pretend that they don't see  
That it's one wrong step one slip before you know it  
And there doesn't seem away to be redeemed**

"Sirius, oh Merlin Sirius wake up, please."

The dark haired man opened his eyes slowly and blinked up at Remus who was leaning over him, a look of fear on his face. Sirius was confused by the look. What was wrong, he wondered. Why was Remus so distraught?

"What time is it...?" Sirius asked, sitting up with a little effort. Any feeling of sluggishness he'd felt earlier vanished when he saw tears in Remus' eyes, his handsome face twisted with such raw emotion that Sirius felt real fear for the first time in a long while. Adrenalin rushed through him and Sirius pulled himself from the bed and stood, taking Remus by the arms and pulled him closer.

In his hands, he felt Remus shaking uncontrollably and had to shake him slightly to get his attention.

"Remus, what's wrong?" he demanded, panic rising in him. It was unlike Remus to lose control and seeing him like this only made Sirius' panic worse.

"Tell me...tell me you didn't do this..." Remus choked out, collapsing against his tall lover.

"Do what...?" Sirius asked, trying to support Remus' weight along with his own.

"Where were you Sirius? An hour ago, where were you...?"

Truthfully, Sirius had been out trying to get a fix, but he would never admit that to Remus. He shook his head earnestly.

"Just tell me what's wrong, Remus," he said, helping his shaking lover sit on the unmade bed. after a few moments, Remus gained enough control of himself to speak.

"James and Lily...they're dead, Sirius," he moaned, choking back a dry sob. "You... You were their secret keeper. Tell me you didn't do this..." Remus said, brown eyes pleading with Sirius to tell him it wasn't true, that he'd been mistaken.

At first, Sirius wasn't sure of what he'd heard come out of Remus' mouth. James and Lily... It was impossible. The only person who knew where they were was...

"Remus, how do you know this? Tell me!" he snarled, shaking his lover violently.

"The news... said there was an explosion. Sirius, I tried to tell the ministry that you didn't, please tell me you didn't Sirius," Remus pleaded, head rolling to one side in grief.

"The ministry? Remus, are they coming here?" Sirius asked, voice softening.

"They...getting Aurors... Sirius..."

Sirius rose abruptly. He knew he had to leave. If he didn't, there was a chance that the murderer would get away while he was being interrogated. Moving quickly, he picked up his cloak and keys to his enchanted motorcycle and pushed the door of the bedroom open, trying to leave as quickly as he could. From behind him, he heard Remus cry out.

"Sirius... please tell me..."

"I didn't do this, Remus. I swear it, but I have to go. Please understand," he asked, trying to make Remus believe him. He wasn't sure if the blond did, but he knew he had to go now. If he didn't, he would never get another chance.

"Remus, did they say anything about Harry?" he asked, remembering his charge.

Remus shook his head, still trembling uncontrollably. Sirius nodded, turning away from Remus again. For a second, he thought about his drugs, weather or not he'd have a chance later to get it. He shook his head, hair covering his face like a veil. He knew if he did what he had in mind, he would not get a chance again. Making his decision, Sirius moved quickly to Remus and kissed him deeply, hard, trying to say goodbye without actually saying it. When he pulled away, he touched the dark blond hair and smiled, knowing it may be the last time.

"I love you, Remus. I am sorry."

Without waiting for a reply, he turned and left. Sirius was afraid that if he heard any words of endearment from the werewolf now, he would lose his nerve. Even if he died today, he hoped that once, just once Remus would believe his swear despite all the ones he'd broken or lied about through gritted teeth in the past. Just this once, he wanted Remus to place his lost trust back into his long time friend and lover, even if he didn't deserve it.

As Sirius made his hurried way through the house, he hoped he would see the blond again in this life. He knew, just knew, that if he survived this, he would change this time. He really would.

**Though I've tried I've fallen  
I have sunk so low  
I messed up  
Better I should know  
So don't come round here and  
Tell me I told you so**


End file.
